Thursday, October 03, 2002

Haacke, Hans/Spring 2002
Renaissance Arch/Wolfflin, Heinrich
Libraries L.A./Ren. Arch.
Koreanday Fax Receipts/Magazine Photos/Office
Kristeva, Julia/Survey-Medieval-Malone-Articles
Victor Borge/Greek Revival
Kendrick, Walter (Horror)/Pokemon
London-Victorian Architecture/Annual Register
Rockets/Gombrich, E.
Death of Woman Wang/Motel Architecture

Roman Baths
Bynum, Carolyn
Opium Trade - China
Nationalism & Art
ILL Slips
Bonatz, Paul
Bowlt, John
Classicism (Germany)
Clark, T.J.
Cobb, Henry N.
Armory Show
Photography & Women
Gordon, Donald "Iconography" Horror-German Express.
Landscape Architecture
Rhoads, George
FA121g Larsen - Martin
Revolution, Russian
Illuminated Manuscripts
Tudor Fall '94
Tickner, Lisa
Clendinnen, Inge
Achebe, Chinua
Jenny Holzer
West, Benjamin
Sawchuck, George
Sloan, John
Rusha, Ed
19th c.
Solomon-Godeau Photography
von Goethe
Twitchell, James (Horror)
Religious Denominations
Romadin, Mikhail
Serra, Richard
Scharoun, Hans
St. Denis
Russian Arch - Pre-Rev.
Warhol, Andy
Gehry, Frank
Hopper, Edward
Han Dynasty
Geertgen tot Sint Jans'
Freed, James I.
Russian Grammar (Vajda)
Greenberg, Clement
Focillon, Henri
Feminist Critique
Social Reaslism
Wang Yani
Lesko, Diane-Ensor

10:13 PM

I don't know his name, I think of him as "electronics boy." He was standing in the door of Wendy's office when I went to make copies for class. As I approached, I heard Wendy say something. I couldn't make out the words, but I registered a tone of protest. Coming around the corner, I heard electronics boy say, "I'm not saying I would do it, I'm just saying I can see a black man swinging from a tree."

I decided I could make my copies later. I know I heard the remark out of context, but I can't think of any context that would make it at all an appropriate thing to say.

2:33 PM

Lucy curled up between our pillows last night, and stayed there even after Catherine got up to take a shower. Unusual. She's very quiet and still. When I woke up, at first I thought she was already gone, she was so motionless. I had to shake her three times to wake her up, and then I felt awful when she did open her eyes, because I disturbed what might have been a deep and peaceful slumber. Part of me didn't really want her to wake up, it would have been so much easier for her just to go in her sleep, but I guess we don't get to take the easy way out this time. When I left for work this morning, she was still on the bed. I wish I could tell what she was thinking, I wish I could ask her if it was time, but I can't. I hate having to decide for her.

I know my mom was trying to make me feel better last night, but it just made it worse, talking about Gus. He's been gone for 11 years, and I'm still not over it. She started saying that she wished they'd taken him in a year earlier, that they were being selfish making him live that last year, and I just got all upset thinking about poor Gussy being in more pain than he had to be in, and it made it all worse. I know Catherine would like a dog, but I just don't even like dogs anymore. I only like Gus.

I feel like I've been doing nothing but crying for two days. Wake up, cry, go to bed, cry. Teach my class, go back to the office, cry. Get in my car, cry. This whole last year has been one long cycle of me falling apart, managing to pull it back together, then falling apart all over again. I'm weary and wish it would all just come to a end.

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