Well. Do you think I'll come back in five years and read that last post and remember exactly what it was that had me so embittered? I'm not going to enlighten anyone, but I will say as a future memory prompt: today I drove some friends to the airport in Chicago, and while I was glad to do it (and really, I was, I don't know how they would have managed six pieces of luggage, a baby, a stroller, a dog in a carrier, two laptops, a diaper bag and a purse on the bus), I had to give up something else to do it. Obviously, giving up that something else made for an angry and disappointed Susan yesterday. It was worth giving up, seeing Ayse, Olivier and Sinan off today, but it didn't seem like it last night. And maybe it won't seem like it later, but in the meantime, I'll take it as a good trade off.

I'll tell you what. I can't keep up with my life, that's for sure. It's not the big things that are killing me (although, yeah, now that you mention it, four research projects in one semester is at least one too many), it's the little stuff. It's been an incredibly social day, for one thing. I had coffee with Dana so we could discuss the Diana Paton book (wow, by the way. It doesn't take long to discuss a book you really like; it's much more work to try and figure what doesn't work in a book than what does), and after an hour-and-a-half of non-stop conversation with her, I ran into Chuo just as we were leaving the library. Haven't talked to Chuo since last semester, so that took me into another rapid fire conversation. Then Luke-Jim e-mailed me--another person I haven't seen since last semester. And then I ran into Martin, and we discussed the travails of being a T.A. And then I even had a short exchange with Ellen. And I also talked to Gary in the graduate office.

Who are all these people, and what do they want from me?!?!

I cranked out a draft for the first unit of my course proposal (roughly four weeks worth of lecture outlines for a course on South Asian architecture), turned that in. Wrote and re-wrote a conference proposal, sent that in this evening. Registered for that conference (it's required, I'm not that much of an optimist). Finished the last two corrections of an article I want to send out for review, realized this computer can't produce .pdf files, downloaded a .pdf maker. Made a .pdf, tried to upload it to the journal submission website, but the server refused to recognize it as a .pdf. Sent an e-mail about that. Sent an e-mail about T.A. stuff. Sent an e-mail apologizing for not turning in my annual report today, promised to turn it in tomorrow. Uploaded it to the server so I wouldn't have to remember it tomorrow. Started to answer a personal e-mail, ran out of energy (sorry, Lizzie, you're in draft mode right now). Did a load of laundry, skipped dinner.

Sent some e-mails about my fellowship for the summer/next year. And, yes, it's official, I received a FLAS Fellowship, and for many reasons, this makes me happy. If I understand this all correctly, I only need to be on campus for my language and area studies courses next year, which means my presence in Illinois will only be required from 4:00 on Monday to 5:30 on Wednesday. Also, it covers my work in India this summer, so that's all to the good. Thank you very much, FLAS awarding committee (otherwise known as "Center for Global Studies")--I appreciate it.

Played the guitar for an hour. Because I have tons of free time.

You know, I also had a class today, so it's not like I was just wandering around jabbering and e-mailing. And you know what else? I also had an hour long meeting with Valeri at the Center for Teaching Excellence. All I need to do is write my essays and then I can submit my GTC application. Talking with her is always useful because she helps me pull together the disparate threads of teaching experience into one cohesive skein of knowledge.

How many people did I talk to today? Since I usually talk to....hm...no one, any number above one is remarkable.

Today a professor made me cry, but in a good way (finally!). Just six posts (but fifteen weeks) ago I was suggesting that I was woefully under-prepared for a seminar. This indeed turned out to be true, not just angst-ridden speculation on my part. I tanked the midterm essay, and while I can certainly point to things like travel and funerals that contributed to my overall sense of intellectual malaise at that point of the semester, that would really just be me trying to save face. I tanked, no real explanation needed. However, the professor let me re-write the essay, and I promised I would do better in the future. That mid-term was a one-time aberration, I promise! I did rewrite the essay, and she seemed genuinely pleased that on my second attempt, I did not sound like quite as big an idiot as I did on my first attempt.

Today I stuck my head in the door of said professor's door as I was passing by, and she said that although she hasn't graded my final paper, she was very pleased. The words "fantastic" and "beautifully written" were used, as was the phrase "you fulfilled your promise and more." So, good for me, I say. That might be the only time in my entire graduate career I hear that, so I'm writing it down for everybody to see.

Photocopying fees: $75.64
Testing feees: $115.00
Application fees: $190.00
Transcript fees: $172.00
Lodging during two interviews: $174.71
Four tutoring sessions: $80.00

Not included: transportation (gasoline, 670 miles), postage, paper/ink

Total expenses to date: $807.35

And a shout out to Frances in Toledo. I hope your day at the polls turns out to be unnecessary, incredibly dull and boring, and a complete waste of your time. Somehow I doubt it's going to turn out that way, though.

I was right--no hockey. The UVa women's team played Friday night @ 10:00, the VMI team played Saturday night @ 10:00, both games too late at night for me to be interested.

Still, I got done what I wanted to get done--more or less--and spent the rest of the time visiting friends, used bookstores, and unfamiliar restaurants.

Going out of town, again. I probably won't get to see a hockey game while I'm gone this time, though.

Where I was Friday at 2 p.m.:

http://www.news.uiuc.edu/news/04/1006humanities.html

Maybe I'll say more later, but my opinion can really be summed up in a short sentence: I was convinced NOT AT ALL that Stanley Fish had any sort of remedy for the (alleged) crisis of the Humanities.

In the interest of spending even more time alone, and possibly rendering myself completely mute, I'm going out of town this weekend. Leaving Thursday, coming back...well, we'll see. By the end of the weekend, I'm sure. Certainly in time to go out of town again next weekend.

This morning I had a few applying-to-graduate-school errands to accomplish, so I took a few hours off from work. I think my quality of life improved from being able to get an extra hour of sleep, even if I have to skip lunch a couple of times to make the hours up.

1. I decided to go w/the Dick Francis option, just in case you're curious. There's 30 or 40 of them, and re-reading them should keep me busy for a couple weeks. And just to prove that I am still a Serious Thinker (tm), I promise I'll read at least one of them in a language other than English, okay?

2. I also decided some other stuff--a LOT of other stuff--so I won't have to make any more decisions until the middle of 2005. And even then, the decision making won't be all mine, so there's nothing more to worry about. I easily narrowed a list of about 50 schools to about 24, and then without much more difficulty cut that list down to six. Then down to five, and finally to four, although number five keeps getting cut then added back on. But, really, down to four. And that's all the decision making I have to do on that.

3. I wish I had run as well last Saturday as I ran this evening. It sucks to be me.

Oh my.

For the person who hit my web page during a Google search on "How to choose a dissertation topic": If you're trying to figure that out using a search engine, you're in deep, deep trouble. Sorry.

Almost relevant.

And speaking of "why I left graduate school" (sort of), I thought this was kind of wild. Some of it parallels my experience, a lot of it doesn't, but it still made for interesting reading.