Hockey weather.

It's a beautiful autumn afternoon, bright and sunny, but cool enough that you need a long sleeved t-shirt or sweatshirt over your shorts. A perfect day to be heading toward the rink with your equipment bag pulling on your shoulder, and your stick banging against your shins as you kick it across the parking lot. Early season ice, pristine and clear and hard, just waiting for the bite of your blade, the feather of a C-cut spraying toward the boards. The blue line gives way to the red line and then you're back out of the zone again, circling around the center and back over the blue again, forward then backward, that mohawk turn isn't quite right. Adjust your laces, check your outside edge. Quick start, sudden stop, take a breath, do it again.

It's a great day for hockey.

[erasure]
2:12 PM


The good thing about having whiplash is that you have every excuse in the world to sit around the house and read. The bad thing about having whiplash is that you really can't rally your mental forces enough to make reading possible.

My head feels okay, actually, no pain at all, but I'm still having a little difficulty coming up with words at the ends of my sentences. Luckily, there's no one around to talk to today. Mostly I just feel like I got hit...not too surprising, since I did. Well, the hit wasn't the problem, it was hitting the ice and bouncing that was the problem. My neck should loosen up in a couple days, though. No serious damage done, I could probably skate again tomorrow if I really wanted to do so.

A sporting weekend.

Drove up to Indy yesterday to see the Tennessee v. Notre Dame game at the Fieldhouse. Fantastic seats, third row just off the head of Tennessee's bench. We could hear every word Pat Summitt and her coaching staff said (or yelled, as the case may be). I love to watch her coach, love to watch her work with her staff. Whiplash threatened as I tried to watch both the coach and the players on the court simultaneously.

Tennessee won pretty decisively, but they didn't look all that polished. Still early in the season, I guess. But man, they've got talent on the floor. They have a freshman out of Syracuse, Indiana that is going to be really, really good. I totally bought one of her pass fakes--I was on the train, waiting to leave, I so bought it--and then she puts it in the hoop.

At one point, I turned to Catherine and said, "I made eye contact with Pat Summitt!" (she was really looking back to talk to the people to the right of us), and Catherine responded, "Well, I made eye contact with Kara Lawson!"
Kara Lawson looks like a brick wall on television, but in person, she's really quite small, only 5'-8" and not at all stocky or solid.

So, that was cool.

Then we spent the afternoon in a sports bar, watching IU lose to Temple. Ah...the travesty. Why didn't Coverdale take that last shot? I think the whole team needs to go visit a sports psychologist.

After that, we drove to the Pepsi Coliseum to watch the Indianapolis Ice play the Shreveport Mudbugs (apparently mudbugs are crawdads). It was a pretty good game, but I had a pounding headache by the time it was over. It is beyond me why every pause in the game must be filled in with blaring music. This happens at every professional sporting event, why? Do the teams think the crowd is going to lose interest in the game and go home during timeouts, or what?

But...two live sporting events and one afternoon in a sports bar makes for a pretty good Saturday.

Slept in this morning, then went to a stick-and-puck session at the Frank, which turned out to be a pick-up hockey game instead. Ah. But this isn't the right journal for that entry.

DECEMBER
MON 23 FLINT
THU 26 MISSOURI
FRI 27 ROCKFORD SEASON TICKET EXCHANGE NIGHT

JANUARY
FRI 03 FORT WAYNE
SUN 05 ADIRONDACK
FRI 10 ELMIRA
SAT 11 MISSOURI
FRI 17 ELMIRA
SAT 18 FLINT
7:49 PM


Because I was not rostered for the game Saturday afternoon (I take evil pleasure in knowing my team lost), we spent Saturday at the Bands of America Grand Nationals Championship at the Hoosierdome. Much better than playing hockey, as it turns out. I even managed to pick the winning band (Lassiter High School, Marietta, GA). Marching band is one of those events I can watch w/out ever regretting that I didn't pursue it further when I was younger. Sure, when I was really young, I wanted to be in the drum & bugle corps. like my brother, but then I discovered that marching band sucks. Never even joined the Husky Marching Band.

Anyway, the competition was fantastic. A surprising number of Indiana bands (and Lawrence Central came in 2nd with its "Spring" routine). Well, it's not something that can be described in text, it's all visual and aural and surprisingly interesting. Nothing like the Marching Hundred kind of marching band. And once again I'm prompted to say: American critics suck! Blast! was brilliant, and this weekend just solidified my position on that statement.

Okay. A weekend away--or at least, an evening away--might do me some good. A game tomorrow in Indy, then a game on Sunday in Columbus. Haven't decided what we're going to do in Columbus Saturday evening/Sunday morning. Sleep? That would be my activity of choice at this point.

Storm is coming, I can hear the wind.
11:26 PM


So...CP is back in my life on a limited basis. We've been exchanging e-mail for a few months now, and generally just sounding one another out about where we are in our lives these days. I sent her a long reply to her latest e-mail last night, then spent a couple hours not sleeping over it.

[erasure]

Wow. No surprise we didn't make it as a couple. No surprise at all.

A prideful moment:

Today the instructors were feeding us pucks out of the corner so we could practice our shots. We had an orange construction cone set up in net to provide a specific target. I hit a one-timer on goal so hard (and so accurately) that I broke the cone. Shattered orange pieces all over the crease, and a puck-shape blast hole in the cone.

Cool.
10:14 PM


Game last night, first of the season. I am one tired kid, and I have a hockey lesson in two hours. My hamstrings are so tight they feel as if they could snap at any moment. It's going to be a long week. We had practice on Friday, then I made the mistake of staying up until 2:00 a.m. for basketball, then we had a game last night, and had to drive back late, then I have a lesson today, then practice Wednesday, practice Friday, a game in Indy on Saturday, and a game in Ohio on Sunday. I may die. If I'm lucky.

And I DO NOT have a cold. I will not, I refuse.

I love hockey season. The weather is cooler, and then it gets sharp, and then it gets downright cold. I'm always in the cold, but never cool down enough to really get cold anymore. We get to go to Columbus, one of my favorite cities. Columbus, Cleveland, Detroit, Toronto...I love to travel. And the smell of ice....mmmm. The sound of ice, almost better. Just walking into a new rink makes me happy. I find myself wishing I could quit my day job and take some sort of rink rat job just so I can be around the ice all day.

The running trail is covered with leaves now, even though there are plenty of green ones still on the trees. The weather is cooperating, providing a fine mist as we jogged this morning. Hopefully the real rain will stay away until we get back from Indy tonight. Winter is coming.

And basketball season has started. Only six months 'til the Big Dance! I can't wait. Some people live their lives by the school year, some by the calendar year, some by the fiscal year. I've always marked mine by the passage of sport seasons.

Practice went okay. It's going to be hard on my old bones doing a Wednesday and a Friday practice. I'm not even going to think about what's going to happen when I start skating on Sundays, too.

I have tons to say about Jill, but I don't have the energy to sort through it right now. It's bed time, and the one thing I shouldn't be doing before retiring is analyzing today's news.
11:02 PM


My mom cracks me up. Everyone's parents should go back to school at the age of sixty.
10:51 PM


Yesterday I had an e-mail exchange with a friend about my misanthropic tendencies, and I was only partly joking. The evidence supporting my case has arrived in an e-mail. A new member of our team sent me an e-mail suggesting that we carpool to practice. There are now three women from Bloomington commuting to Indy to play hockey, and wouldn't it make sense for us all to ride together instead of taking two or three cars?

Yeah, it would make sense. It's not like I love driving or anything, and it would save me some gas money. But. I don't want to do it. I don't want to spend an hour and 15 minutes in the car with an unknown quantity. Yeah, yeah, maybe if I spent some time with these two women, they wouldn't be unknowns. I loved driving to practice with Beth, but I knew ahead of time we had a lot in common--we were both in the same grad program at IU, I had known her already for a couple years, and I knew she was smart. After Beth moved to Ft. Wayne, I briefly tried driving up with another teammate. Nice enough woman, but our personalities just didn't mix. I was exhausted by the time I arrived at the rink.

So, I'll probably break down and commute with one or both of these teammates, even though I really don't want to, because heaven forbid that J.R. wouldn't be friendly and accommodating. I know what Susan wants to do, but that wench J.R. keeps mucking things up.
12:06 PM


I look like a leper. In a tie.

Decided to take the Wise Woman's advice and try Mozilla. I have missed the little dragon! I've been suffering through Netscape 4's inability to read css because I can't stand Netscape 6. I've been assured this will be better, but I can say right now, it's jacked my blogger screen. But if that's the worst that happens, I will be a very lucky person indeed.

I used to really like HotJava, but then it was put on the end-of-life list by Sun. I tried Opera for awhile, but it never handled AV files very smoothly.

You know you're old when you lay awake at night and fondly remember old browsers you have known. DejaVu gives me the opportunity to go look at the interface for my first favorite web browser, NCSA Mosaic. Sometimes I even yearn for the days of Gopher, when I felt like a great adventurer everytime I found a new cache of goods on a previously undiscovered server at some obscure European university.

These days, the web lets everyone in, not just the geeks. And sometimes I think that rots.
1:47 PM


Well, today's the big day. I'm going to have a light lunch with Diane (less to throw up afterward), and head up to Indy. I always hate the first day. I'm worried I haven't trained hard enough. I've been chastising myself all week for eating unhealthy things--that's not how I was supposed to end the preseason!

And I absolutely dread putting on equipment over this poison ivy rash. It's going to be hell.

Positive thinking. You made it through camp, you can make it through the first practice.

Correne Bredin was one of our on-ice instructors at camp. Denny completely misspelled her name in the brochure (as "Corrinne")--no wonder Joby never pronounced it correctly. The other female on-ice instructor was Carly Haggard. How cool is that?
9:51 PM

Heather recommends the Centre Ice women's hockey camp. Summerland is close to my parents, so:

if I do not go to the adult fitness camp at Smith; and
if I do not break any bones, and
if I still like hockey next summer, and
if I have any money at all after I take a huge paycut next month,

maybe I will look into Centre Ice.
8:09 PM

I just took a few minutes and read through the archives of my hockey diary. I also skimmed my rookie diary. There is a definite difference between the entries from last year (after my first camp experience) and the entries from my rookie year (before my first camp experience). Camp really ground me down last year, so much that I couldn't even write about it. None of my teammates understood what I was trying to say when I explained it, and I eventually stopped talking about it. It wasn't until this last Friday, when I was helping Heather carry her stuff to her car after she hurt her groin, that I really felt like someone understood. It was so gratifying to find someone who had a similar camp experience last year. Too bad we both isolated ourselves and never got a chance to talk to each other about it. Anyway, my goal for the upcoming season is to try and recover some of my optimism from my rookie year and bring it to the ice with me.
2:39 PM

The first thing I did when I got home was pick up a hockey stick and show Catherine my Tiger Woods imitation.

Camp went so much better this year. So, so much better. A day after I've been home, I'm already saying, "Yeah, I'd do it again," which is a 180-degree switch in my position last year, when I pretty much stopped skating after I got home. I was so upset last year, I decided to quit playing hockey completely, then kind of guilted myself back into playing by thinking about how much money I'd wasted on the sport. Anyway, this year I worked hard, it was intense at times, but it wasn't emotionally devastating as it was last year. That tells me I've improved.

The schedule was kind of strange this year. We didn't have breakfast until 9:15, which sounds good, but we didn't get off the ice at night until 11:45 a.m., so we actually ended up with too little sleep. Every night, I'd go back to the dorm to sleep around 12:30, and the kids would still be awake, making way too much noise. Boy, you really don't know what kids are capable of until you put 50 of them in a room together.

So, every day we had 4.25 hours of ice time, and 2.25 hours of off-ice instruction. The ice time was broken down into three sections:

1 hr 45 min Instruction. This is where we did puck control drills, skating drills, one-one-ones, on-ice shooting practice, etc. In my opinion, this was about 15 minutes too long, especially on Thursday and Friday. On those two days, the instructors did a lot of talking, and our feet got really cold.

1 hr Power Skating. Worked on form and technique. Essentially a repeat from last year, so you think I could do it all by now, but I can't. Backwards continues to be my nemesis, although it is getting a little smoother. My final evaluation stressed making a narrow recovery, so that is what I will focus on this year.

1 hr 30 min Scrimmage. Definitely the most frustrating part of the week. I found it difficult to get excited about playing a position that I knew wasn't going to help me during the regular season. As the team saying goes, "If all five players on the ice fell down, I still wouldn't be playing center. Shame on you!" Anyway, I found it annoying to have to play center shift after shift, when I will never play center during the regular season. I really wanted to refine my wing position, not experiment with some new position. I understand in theory what the center should do, and that's enough for me, I don't have to play it. I really need work on my wing positioning for the breakouts, so I hated not being allowed to play that position.

Off-ice instruction was broken into two sections:

1 hr 15 mins Stick-handling. Stick-handling drills (figure eight, extending the reach, using the feet to kick the puck up, bouncing the ball on the stick).

1 hr Shooting. My off-ice shooting is going great. Now I just need to move it onto the ice.

In general I was pleased, because I didn't skip anything outright (last year, I was so worn down and injured that I had to. My glutes hurt, my hip hurt, my obliques hurt, my feet hurt....), I shaved off some minutes at the end when I could feel my back getting tired, but otherwise showed up. The only thing I did skip was the very last scrimmage, and I'm glad of that. My groin/hip flexor was really tight when I was walking around after power skating, and I didn't want to risk serious injury. Heather (she was at camp last year, had a parallel experience with mine) had the same problem, but did scrimmage, and ended up totally wasting her groin. So, sitting on the bench that last evening was a good idea. I did get up and run 4 k the next morning to make up for my inactivity.

Amy was sitting on the side of her bed when I woke up this morning. I opened my eyes and she said, "Welcome to the 7th Circle of Hell." Then we had a discussion about Dante's version of hell--wasn't the innermost circle a ball of cold, frozen ice? That would be appropriate.

Almost done, we've only got one more ice session, a scrimmage at 10:15 p.m. The body is starting to fall apart in bits and pieces. The hip flexor continues to protest, something in my left knee isn't working properly. Still, I've made it through the week, and I'm proud of myself. When I get home, I am planning to post a more coherent, linear accounting of a week at camp. I'm going to need more than a few hours of sleep before I can do that, though.

I can't even remember what's happened since I last wrote. Wednesday was notable because my bench neighbor spilled beer in my helmet and neck guard. She was appropriately contrite, but I was so tired that I just couldn't deal with it. No big damage done, but my neck guard was wet the next day from having to rinse it in the sink.

My backhand shot (off ice) continues to rock, but I'm losing the snap shot. Almost there with the wrist shot. Too bad they all suck on ice.

Went running yesterday morning, kept it to 4K in anticipation of needing my legs for power skating. So right I was. Power skating focused on backwards, and man, is that a hip burner or what. In general, I didn't find power skating as informative this year, not so much feedback, probably because the groups are much bigger. Instruction on Thursday (as well as today) was very low key, with Corinn and Carly running things. Not a lot of skating actually, so my feet got cold.

The down part of camp is always the scrimmages. It's just chaos, no set lines, people changing whenever (like when the puck is in our zone, for godsakes), people saying whatever. I always come away from the scrimmage mad. Well, I think a lot of people do. They just aren't very good for learning. Joby was completely messing with us on face-off formations yesterday--telling us to set up one way during instruction, then moving us another way during scrimmage. Face-offs were jacked, anyway. I had to take 3 different face-offs. Why? Because I got coerced into playing center, the position I hate most. I'd rather play D than play center.

Anyway, it's almost over. I get to go home tomorrow. I think I can get in one more run on the fenland tomorrow morning, that should be nice. I've (re)learned a lot, gotten 4.25 hours of ice time every day (plus some time Sunday), 2.25 hours off-ice instruction every day, so I think I got my money's worth.

p.s. My new record for bouncing the ball on my stick is 30.

I am so tired. I realized as I was laying on my cot today that tears were leaking out of my eyes, and I wasn't even sad or upset or anything. My body is just telling me to get some rest.

My hip flexor is toast. Power skate was a little on the pointless side today because I couldn't get any strength out of my left leg. Winced every time I tried to push off. I hope it holds through the week. Had a collision in power skating, my back hurts in a different place now, so I guess that's okay. A bit disappointed because I really like quick starts and was just starting to feel confident on them, and now I just can't get going. Should I scrimmage tonight? I would like to rest, but many people are skipping, so I don't want to leave the bench short.

There is lots to say, but my tired brain is not saying it.

Some of the group is going to Lake Louise tomorrow, part of me wants to go, part of me wants to stay here and get a run in. The one person who really gets on my nerves in the locker room is going, do I need to go and be aggravated all morning? I should stay here, sleep in a little, go running. Puck handling (off ice) is cancelled because of the trip, so I could have the dry rink to myself. I'm getting pretty good at bouncing the ball on my stick, my high number is 24 right now, I think I could really get going with about 15 more minutes of practice.

Awesome to hit my backhand shot today. I really like that and my snap shot. Snap shot! Yay!

We did a lot of one-on-ones and two-on-ones today in instruction. Hard work, I only got by the defense once and missed the shot on net. I am getting better, but so is everyone else, so I still lag behind.

I think I need a nap. I *know* I need a nap.

Camp is going great so far. I made it through tryouts, no real problems. Well, of course there were problems (namely, crossovers), but I didn't die of humiliation. And I am skating with the the C group (adults), which is good deal for me. Jenna seemed to be so sure I would be bounced back to the beginner group, so I am very pleased to be a better skater than she thought I was.

Already it is all blurred together. Hours on the ice, hours off the ice. I've developed a decent snap shot and also a decent backhand shot. Still have a lame wrist shot, not even working on the slap shot (no point). Doing better on the crossover drill, suck big time on the grapevine. Two good female coaches, players from Dartmouth, they kind of counterbalance the Messier maleness. Scrimmages have been kind of chaotic, same as last year, hard to keep lines together because a different number of people always show up.

It is the same, if I can get through instruction, then I am fine the rest of the day. The schedule this year is much different, we don't finish our scrimmage until 11:45 p.m., makes it difficult to get enough sleep, I'm jazzed when I get off the ice just before midnight. The kids have already been yelled at and are now quiet at night.

My archnemesis went home early, don't know why--family emergency? I have to admit, it will be an easier camp without her scowling at me. Generally the locker room is fun, a couple of personality conflicts, but also a lot of good people. I feel pretty good, pretty optimistic.

Quick notes, paying a loony for 7 minutes of internet access.

We have tryouts tonight at 6:00 p.m., so I'm trying to just relax until then. I'll have a light lunch, then eat after we skate, otherwise I might just be sick.

Jenna and Amy arrived last night about 9:30, but I was already asleep. It was such a long process getting here. I got up at 2:30 a.m. Saturday morning (after not sleeping too much, went to bed at 10:00, but the vacuum/nerves combined kept me awake), took a shower, finished packing, limo pick up at 3:30. The trip was smooth until Calgary. Flew the first leg to Denver with Catherine, hard to leave her when the time came, still wish I didn't have to do so, wish she was here. *If* I come back, she has to come back with me. She would love it here, it's so beautiful, it's a shame to be indoors (I'm going right back out as soon as I finish this).

Of course, Denny forgot to tell Ty to pick me up in Calgary yesterday, so there I was, exhausted, in Calgary with no way to get to Banff. Didn't have the phone number for the rink, and was too tired to figure out how to get it (off the internet, for instance, or out of the phone book!) Had to cough up CDN $40 to take a shuttle. The women behind the counter told me they could get me to the ice rink, but the bus driver wouldn't drop me there, so I had to take a cab from the rink. Frustrating, mostly because I was so tired and I think my equipment bag weighs 200 lbs. He was pissed at me, and I was pissed at him. I accidentally clocked him with my stick bag because I didn't realize he was behind me, and he swore at me. Not a lot I could do, and really, his ticket agent shouldn't have misinformed me.

Got to the rink, chatted with Denny (impossible to stay mad at him), settled in, and met a nice woman named Kirsten. She walked into town with me, where I had a sandwich. Spent the rest of the day dozing, trying to avoid L and BBG. Thought I saw JoElla, turns out I did. That is the worst. To make up for having to deal with her, the nice woman (Jodi) from the spaghetti place last year is back, so that's good. It felt more like a family reunion today, so maybe I'm not so nervous. Going to just try and ignore JoElla, hopefully we won't be in the same group. Try to have a good attitude, give up the pride, learn what I can and take it home with me.

Went to bed about 7:00 last night, so exhausted. Got up about 8:00, went for a run on the Fenland Loop. Was completely sucking air, but my time actually improved this morning. I ran 5 K in 40 minutes. That's the best I've done (I know, it's slow for regular runners). Tweaked the problem hip flexor a little, but nothing too major. Trying to stay loose for tryouts tonight.

Went back the rink, showered, met up with Jenna and Amy briefly, then took my book and went and read in a nearby playground. Realized my back hurt, so I walked into town and read at a coffee shop in the mall. Much more comfortable, maybe not as peaceful.

Mosquitoes are awful this year, really awful. Also, it was *hot* yesterday. I packed all these warm clothes since I froze to death last year, and it turns out it is hot. The rink is full of mosquitoes! I'm already tired of being covered in bug spray.

Ronda sent us the first session schedule--first practice of the season is late, not until September 6, which means I will have 2 weeks to get my teaching act together before I have to re-focus on hockey. Looks like we're adding a tournament in Cleveland in November.

I'm still listening to EBS, and I really love this song "Despidete." It's probably the prettiest song I've heard in the last ten years. The background vocals give me that "I'm falling in love" feeling whenever I stand still and listen to it.

We spent the weekend in Columbus, playing hockey. I've been pretty cranky lately, not liking my job, not being able to find a new one. Zero motivation in school, all the usual signs. Had a decent game, although it's hard to put the mistakes behind me. Two stand out in my mind (out of the dozens, I'm sure), and I'm trying to just forget about them. Can I keep attributing my stress and depression to September 11?