Monday, October 07, 2002

Dude. Write about something positive for a change, okay?

I started my hockey LTS lessons today, and I have to say, it was fantastic. Only three students, with three instructors. One instructor took the younger student off to do some beginning stuff, and the other two instructors stayed with Brandon and me and ran us through some drills and shooting practice. It was really fun, a great workout, and nice to be challenged by some high level skaters. Brandon and I are at about the same skating level, so when we played 2-on-2 the teams were even, 1 instructor and 1 student on each side. It was tons more fun than my own team practice, and it reminded me that I actually like hockey.

I've been kind of doubting the whole hockey thing lately, not because of how I'm playing or anything like that, but I'm just tired of team politics. Everything is a power struggle. And practice is a little high pressure because I'm always trying to be as good as I can be so the coach will let me play with the purple team. This is really not the way to have fun. Today was great, no pressure, just working hard and playing hard. I can hardly wait to go back next Sunday. It's been forever since I actually looked forward to getting on the ice.

I felt a little bad because Catherine was doing a volunteer thing with the Monroe County Humane Association today, and I couldn't go because of hockey. I swear I will go next time. She had a good day, I was wondering how it would go, being around all the animals, etc., but it seems she had fun. Well, there was a moment when she was talking to the woman from Wayport Kennel and she found out that the kennel provides cremation services for our vet clinic. I'm amazed, but Catherine actually asked the woman if she had Lucy this week, and she did. So, Catherine starts crying and I'm thinking, "Why did you even ask?" but I guess the woman was really nice and that made Catherine feel better in the end, knowing that everyone from the vet to the crematory manager was nice. Ugh.

I've decided to quit being so damned selfish and let Catherine get a kitten. It is SO like me to avoid everything and everyone that might end up hurting me in the end, and wouldn't it be nice to just give up this behavior? We're going to wait until I can get the carpets pulled up in the living room and dining room, and I hope to start doing that next weekend if I can get caught up in work/school. Then we'll see. She wants a b/w one or another orange one. I just want a healthy one.

10:03 PM

Hm. I didn't do anything constructive this weekend, which means I'm still behind in everything that I need to get done. I fell behind in everything last week, and I was supposed to catch up on Friday and today, but that didn't happen. I didn't correct papers, I didn't do my own homework, I didn't prep for my classes tomorrow. I only started doing this practical work today, and "today" just isn't enough time, particularly if you break "today" in half with a two-hour ice session.

Well, and it wouldn't matter if I had all the time in the world, would it, because once again I've forgotten a significant text book and folder at work, and the building isn't accessible on Sundays. Okay, two significant text books. Where has my mind gone? What this means is tomorrow between 10:00 and 1:00, I get to figure out how to write a quiz on floor framing, finish my descriptive geometry (it usually takes me an hour a problem, and I have at least two, so the math's not looking good at this point), and write a lecture on wall framing. Both framing books are in the office at work, as is my descriptive geometry book. Could I be any more of a dork?

The stupid thing is, if I had just applied myself even just a little bit on Friday, I wouldn't be in this fix, but no, I sat around and read all day. I need to learn that "I don't feel like it" is not a good excuse because it only ends up causing me to panic in the long run.

This is not a good way to begin the week in which I was going to start cutting myself some slack. I've been in a long cycle of self-chastisement, feeling inadequate, wondering why I even bother because I can't do anything up to my own standards, and I've decided that's got to stop. I'm doing fine, I'm managing, and that's good enough. But when I start out the week already feeling desperately behind, I forget I'm supposed to be nice to myself.

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