Sunday, August 04, 2002

I'm not quite sure if I should laugh or cry.


I am working, have a kid named Krishna, one year and ten months. My wife, she was a maths graduate studying Norwegian. That's my family. Mother became an Australian citizen and Aussie pensionist. She went to Sri Lanka and back to Australia last month. Life still goes on. 35 years. Don't worry, you are still young. Don't think about the years, feel like young forever. You were born on 22 Aug 67; I was born on 22 march 67. Something happened with us. You know when I have done the 9th standard you wrote to me, then you went to Russia, after that LA, and Oregon. I wrote letters and was with you in those days. Very interesting, but you were very negative about your appearence, I mean, how you look like. I don't know why? You look great.

The day you wrote me a letter almost 20 years ago you mentioned that. You still do have that attitude. You have to forget all those naive thoughts. Be a sweet positive girl. I will meet you one day then we talk about all this rubbish. In one way, I miss you as a friend but as a boy I was very shocked the day you told me that you are gay. That was not wrong but I was very jealous, I don't know why.

Take care. Susan, why don't you send your latest photo? Don't worry, I am a family man.

Life is short, make it sweet.

Your pal.

7:44 PM

Obsession. As if I didn't really know that already.
7:21 PM

If I can survive the rest of the work day, I'll have made it through the weekend. It's gonna be close. Intensive Freshmen Seminars have their self-guided library tours today, and this place is insane.

Up at six a.m. to go back to the Speedo Championship Series swim meet, where we volunteered checking deck passes for four hours. Getting up at 6:00 shouldn't be so hard, but we were up early yesterday to go to the gym, and up late last night (went to Indy for a lackluster Fever game). In between those two events we attended a wedding reception. We didn't get home from the concert on Friday until well after midnight. I feel like I'm running on empty right now, and the library is just out of control.

Lots to jot down about the weekend. Erika looked spectacular at the reception yesterday, so elegant. So...Audrey Hepburn. I hope she and Henry are happy for a long time. Of course, I spent the entire afternoon after we left the reception critiquing the institution of marriage. That's somewhat hypocritical as Catherine and I did indeed have a wedding ceremony, but I really have a hard time with straight weddings, even if I like everyone involved. It's just that the married women I know just don't ever seemed completely pleased with the situation. All they do is bitch about their husbands. If they're not happy, why the hell are they still doing this same stupid thing day after day? And everyone acts as if being married for 50 years is some big deal, because of course it took fortitude and endurance to make it that far. And I'm wondering, if it's such a freaking hard job, isn't that a sign that something's wrong? I'm incredibly pleased to have spent the last decade with Catherine, and let me tell you, there wasn't a lot of work involved.

Speaking of Catherine...we had such a great talk on the way back from the game last night, an hour and a half of just really good conversation. It seems like we're doing exceptionally well right now, our relationship just suddenly deepened a few months ago. I mean, obviously we still squabble, and there was a period of inexplicable discord earlier this year, I can see it in my journal, but it seems like it just resolved itself one day and now we're completely in synch, maybe even more than before. It's a good thing I never wanted to be a writer, because articulating emotions in words is an impossibility for me, but I ended the day feeling sated and content on many levels. I'm just very happy that I get to live with her, I can't think of anything else I'd rather be doing.

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