Tuesday, August 19, 2003

Mm. My anger carried me through a strong 45-minute run, so I guess that's okay. I wish all my anger was so productive. If general disgruntlement could be harnessed and used for fuel, I could keep a small nation in business w/out it ever having to resort to using fossil fuels.

Catherine can never become an invalid, because I'm a totally incompetent caretaker. I've just been following her around--when she hasn't been in bed--asking, "How do you feel? How do you feel? Should I get a doctor? How do you feel?" She's probably ready to shoot me. I can't tell if she's sick or REALLY sick. If she feels like fainting or vomiting, do I reassure her it's probably just the allergy medication, or do I pack her into the car and take her to Promptcare? Somehow when I'm sick, she figures out what to do--ignore me, bring me water, call an ambulance. But all I seem to be able to do is ask, "Are you better yet? Are you better yet?" like some twisted parody of the cell phone commercial.

We've been at odds a lot lately, a lot of stress in our lives. A lot of stress at her job, a lot of stress w/my lack of job. So we bicker about stupid things. We're both tired of it but seem to keep at it. I hope the time away from home does us both some good.

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