Today.

Notable because.

Catherine and I had our first public argument in 11 years. One time last March or April we had a pretty serious "either something changes or I'm leaving" argument on the bike path, but no one was around to hear us, so it doesn' t count. Today, everybody on both sides of the street could hear us, including her co-worker who interrupted me mid-scathing-sentence on Kirkwood Avenue.

Notable because.

For the first time in 11 years, I didn't give a damn that her co-worker knew we were fighting, that people could look at me and tell I hadn't slept in days, that complete strangers could tell we were both angry. For the first time in god knows how long, Catherine had to stop and listen to me and believe me and not put me off because I was just going to raise my voice all that much more if she continued to bury her head in the sand.

Notable because.

Catherine realized she couldn't just put me off with a "I'm sure it will get better, honey." I didn't have to listen to any more platitudes and accept any more well-meaning pats on the head. I didn't have to listen to any of my friends change the subject or brush me off or chastise me when I tried to talk to them about what's been going on in my head. I didn't have to pretend I was coping just fine, and I didn't have to lie to anyone.

Notable because.

I got what I wanted, which was a promise from Catherine to help me try and solve a few things, instead of just pretending that nothing is happening and that everything will eventually work out on its own. I got what I wanted, for her to acknowledge how humiliated and depressed and desperate and scared and exhausted I am, and that some of the things she's been doing just haven't been helping.

Notable because.

I made it through one more day, despite my total lack of desire to do so. Nothing is solved, nothing is better at all, but at least someone finally stopped and listened to the truth instead of trying to make me hide it in the back of my throat, where it was getting seriously close to choking to me to death.