Dear, divine self:

Congratulations on your new McDavid knee guard. You now have no reason to mope around the house as if there were no longer any reason to live. You may not be able to play hockey in it, but you can certainly run and skate in it. So, enjoy your new freedom of movement. Don't forget to take plenty of water with you as the humidity rises, and don't forget to wear sunblock. Be kind to yourself.

Sincerely,

JR