Pre-op.

I think that makes the fifth person this week to ask whether I'm worried about my upcoming surgery or not. The insta-answer is, no, I'm not. The doctor can take an axe to my shoulder for all I care, as long as she excises the AC joint in the process. A quick and dirty amputation has been sounding pretty good these past few weeks, really. And while I don't think anyone can REALLY look forward to having a bone cut in half, I am anxious to get the whole thing underway.

That's the easy answer. The real answer is not so quick. I'm not worried about surgery, but I am worried about coming out from under anaesthesia after the deed is done. That probably sounds strange to anyone who hasn't been put under before. They never show the recovery on TV shows. The patient just wakes up drowsily and either recognizes everyone standing around the bed or not, depending on whether or not the plot demands memory loss on the part of the stricken. I don't remember the waking up part the first time I was put under anaesthesia, I was only six, but I do remember it from my surgery six years ago, and I hated it. You go through this absolutely bone wrenching shuddering when you're was coming out. I just remember thinking "I'm cold, I'm cold, I'M COLD!" and then waking up out of spasm and realizing, "Oh...no, I'm not." Then you go under and start all over again. "I'm cold, I'm cold, I'M COLD! Oh...no, I'm not." The recovery nurses drown you in heated blankets, but it seems like it takes forever to just sleep and not shudder.

That's the part I'm worried about. They can take my entire collar bone if they want, but they need to keep me warm while they're doing it, because I don't want to go through that again.