So that's it, then. My boss handed me my last paycheck, thanked me for my work, and shook my hand in farewell. One year of work--finished. I feel a little sad, because these past two weeks, with the clock running out, I liked my job. It was a lot like it was at the beginning, with a lot to do, much to be taken care of. I'm consoling myself with the knowledge that my affection for this position surely would have been short-lived; reality has a way of showing up again in the end.

My boss is going to be in a world of hurt without me, I can say that. I don't think he's realized how much I've been doing around here. Even worse, I don't think he realized how much more I could have done, if only he'd given me the chance. His loss. Now he doesn't have anyone to help him. Not that I'm irreplaceable, but he'll have a hard time, I think. I'm proud of what I've done in the last year. It's a heady feeling, looking around a construction site, knowing that a certain wall is located just where it is because I told them to put it there. I could have had them put it a half-inch or a half-foot in the other direction, but I didn't. Good, strong stuff.

Anyway, that's over and done with, and we'll just have to see what happens next.

On a partly un-related note, I've decided this is a good time to take an extended vacation from the chore of updating this page. I've been keeping an online life chronicle for four years now, and I stopped learning about myself in the process of doing it about two years ago. For the past six months or so, this journal has been limping along on crippled legs. For the last two months, it's been kept alive only by the internet equivalent of an iron lung. This seems like the right time to let it go for awhile. Feel free to check back in a few months--only about half of the goodbyes in the world turn out to be forever.

We had a great weekend. I am in love with the Raymonster. Seriously.

Yesterday was a surprisingly good day. It's like everything good was waiting to happen on one particular day of the year, and that day of the year was apparently February 28. Who knew?

1. Realizing you don't suck, you just need to get your skates sharpened.

2. Informing your boss in a no-nonsense voice that No, you cannot stay on an extra two weeks.

3. Arriving home to find the order from Powells has *finally* arrived.

4. Being accepted into the grad program of your choice.

5. After two years of fussing, planning, waiting, buying a new drum set.

6. Managing to wash a week's worth of dirty dishes and discovering that you still have time to read before bed.

If I'd known how much better work would be once I'd given my two-week's notice, I would have quit a long time ago. I hand in my resignation, my boss hands me back my dignity. Nice trade. Somewhere in there is a heavy dose of irony, but I don't have time to look for it right now.

In other news, the afghan I'm working on is going well. I've got about a month of crocheting on it ahead of me, but I think it will stretch longer because I'm going to start this one as soon as I get the yarn. Working w/the afghan hook all evening tires out the hands; working a second quilt w/a K-size hook will be a nice alternative.

Anyway...I lack the motivation to document the details of my life, so I'm not going to do it for now. I'm going out of town for the weekend, maybe something so exciting will happen while I'm gone that I will be compelled to return to the keyboard afterward. On the other hand, maybe I'll just return home to my recliner and spend some quality time with a skein of yarn.

It's been a horrible, terrible experience--the kind of time when you find yourself standing on the bank of the river, wondering what it would feel like to drown. At least, that's where I've been the past several weeks. To his credit, my boss didn't make it worse when he could have, and I'm really not sure why, but I'm pretty sure I don't care anyway. In a couple of weeks I'll start a new job, and maybe we'll back away from the flood waters for awhile.

Mary Ann's article.

Asian carpets;
XVI, and XVII, century designs from the Jaipur palaces, &c., &c.,
Thomas Holbein Hendley; S S Jacob, Sir
1905
English Book Book 2 p. l., 20 p. CL (i.e. 145) pl. (part double, chiefly col.) maps. 56 cm.
London, W. Griggs,


Jeypore enamels,
S S Jacob, Sir; Thomas Holbein Hendley
1886
English Book Book 16 p. 28 col. pl. 38 cm.
London, W. Griggs,

Jeypore portfolio of architectural details ...
S S Jacob, Sir
1890-1913
English Book Book 12 v. 713 pl. (part col.) 45 cm. (pt. 1-6: 55 cm.)
London, B. Quaritch [etc.]


Jeypore portfolio of architectural details /
S S Jacob, Sir
1977, 1890
English Book Book portfolios : chiefly ill. ; 39 cm.
Varanasi : Indological Book House,

Impounding-reservoirs in India, and the design of masonry dams.
Comprising ... I. The Tansa works for the water-supply of Bombay. By William John Bird Clerke ... II. The Baroda waterworks. By Jagannath Sadasewjee ... III. The water-supply of Jeypore, Rajputana. By Colonel Samuel Swinton Jacob ... IV. On the design of masonry dams. By Franz Kreuter ... With an abstract of the discussion upon the papers.
James Forrest
1893
English Book Book 71, [1] p. incl. tables, diagrs. 4 fold. diagr. 23 cm.
London, The Institution,

Ask Catherine a question.

My third day home from work, and I still feel like crap. I have to go back to work tomorrow whether I want to or not, we can't afford such a long layoff as this has become. Particularly since Catherine received the lovely news this week that her "benefits" package is being re-worked, resulting in a $130 cut in take-home pay a month. As if she wasn't already being paid half the market value (the university market value, that is, which is about $10,000 less than the real world market value) of her position. A high pressure job with very little to offer in the way of recompense and rewards, if you ask me.

Lots of "what if" conversations going on right now. If we can't pay our mortgage, why not just sell the house? The solution we both seem to like right now is to sell the house and move in with Catherine's parents until we can find jobs in the Portland area. We won't make enough on the house to worry about capital gains tax, but we should make enough to pay for a few months of my student loans, moving expenses, and household expenses while we try to find employment. This seems to be on an early summer kind of timetable, and many things could happen between now and then, but we both think it might be the best thing we can do right now.

To support the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction:

Please contact the appropriate Indiana State Legislator (if you don't know who is representing you, check here), and encourage her or him to stand AGAINST House Bill 1841.

Two people in the household, both watching too much television. Two people in the household, neither getting enough exercise. Two people in the household, both unhappy with their jobs. Two people in the household, one has been sick in bed the past few days and the other has been playing nursemaid. Two people in the household, neither has anything to say.

Photocopying fees: $75.64
Testing feees: $115.00
Application fees: $190.00
Transcript fees: $172.00
Lodging during two interviews: $174.71
Four tutoring sessions: $80.00

Not included: transportation (gasoline, 670 miles), postage, paper/ink

Total expenses to date: $807.35

Model One.

Model Two.

We went down to Madison for the weekend, courtesy of my parents. We almost didn't go, as there was snow on the ground when we got up Saturday morning, and the route we intended to take was underwater from the flooding on the White River (see below), but we went anyway. Mostly there's not a lot to write about, because this is our third or fourth visit in as many years. Usually we stay up at Clifty Falls State Park, but the lodge is under construction now, so Catherine cut a deal with the owner of the Madison Fudge Factory and we stayed in a room above the candy store. It came with 1/2 pound of free fudge, as if we haven't had enough sugar in the past month.

We originally started visiting Madison because of the architecture and the park, but the truth is, we come back because movies at the downtown theater are only $3.50. We finally saw The Incredibles (great animation, good writing, so-so plot) Saturday night, and then went out for pizza afterward. It can be hard to find a meal in Madison this time a year, everything is closed for the winter, but when you do find them, they're all good.

The Ohio River is supposed to crest on Wednesday. In the meantime, it seems to be rising about a foot a day (based on our unscientific observations). Between our noontime walk along the bank and our 3 o'clock walk, the river had risen at least two inches, so it may be picking up speed.

Catherine at the river Saturday afternoon:



Same spot, Sunday afternoon:

Left work early on Thursday, just before they closed Ind. 46.

Driving west over the White River, looking across at the eastbound bridge:



Things look normal, but we're being re-routed out of our lanes into lanes that are normally eastbound:



The westbound lanes are threatened by the river:



One westbound lanes is underwater, the other and the turn lane are still there:



Two lanes under, turn lane still remains:



No lanes, all under water:



It won't be long until the eastbound lanes are under as well, but I'll be gone before that happens:

No internet access at home. We should probably call SBC about our phone line, but since they've already fixed it five different times in the past year, I can't see why I should waste my time. I should probably just have it disconnected and give up the modem connection entirely. I'd probably get more done in the evenings.

Or maybe not, as I've spent the past several days doing absolutely nothing even without the distraction of the internet at my fingertips. I think I chipped my humerus on New Year's Day (thanks so much, oh ye gods of arthritis), so I've expended a lot of energy toward keeping my body motionless. One good result of this event is that I learned that the plural of "humerus" is "humeri." Almost it makes it worth it, doesn't it? Anyway, I've got an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon on Monday, so we'll soon see what's what.

Tomorrow is Catherine's birthday.

Rob, you depress me.

Wow. That was depressing.

Usually when you go out to dinner with friends, you end up feeling better in the end, having had an opportunity to talk and laugh and complain and eat. Last night, though, we all left the table feeling lower than the lowest you can go. We kept trying to pull the conversation back up to some level of cheerfulness, but it seemed to repeatedly devolve--almost willfully--to a point where we were all hovering on tears. Actually, we had a moment where all four of us were indeed crying and had to just have a moment of choking silence while we pulled ourselves together. What kind of happy meal was this? Tired, drained and seriously depressed.

It's too bad that I forgot to take out the digital camera yesterday. Christmas 2004 passed without any photos, and it would have been nice to at least get some of Erika and Henry at dinner last night.

I did a whole lot of cooking yesterday (demonstrating that just because I don't cook, that doesn't mean that I can't cook). I think I managed to do 80% of the cooking in the end, but Catherine did more than 80% of the cleaning. Anyway, I did the onions, the rice salad, and the carrots, and also the finish work for the gratins. Catherine did the bulk of the gratins and the wine. We accidentally managed to cook all of Henry's favorites (although I'm not sure that's all that difficult, as he seems to be willing to eat anything). Erika made bread and a chocolate ganache w/violet syrup, and we all ate until the point of nausea. Then Catherine and I stayed up way too late and watched The Sound of Music.

We had so many Christmas presents even though we really didn't buy that much for each other. We must be cultivating good relationships with people other than ourselves. I managed to make Catherine cry three times yesterday (in the good way) while she was opening presents. Even taking into account the fact that she's menopausal, that's pretty good. My parents went *crazy* with the gift-giving, and my workshop will benefit from it. Catherine's "big" gift to me was a table-top easel. She promises me it was on sale, but I'm not sure she's telling the truth. Still, I love it, and it will be good to trade in my piece of Masonite propped up on an outdated AutoCAD book. I ended up w/some good reading material, too. Catherine got me Oliver Twist and a collection of Poe stories, and the new two-volume set The Complete Peanuts to add to the Charlie Brown section of the bookshelf. And a friend sent me a book that should keep me busy in one way or another for awhile, too.

Today, I lack the Christmas spirit because my boss made me work, and I'm trying not to have a bad attitude about it (and not succeeding). There are so many other things to worry about in the world--jesus fucking christ, that tsunami, for one!--and this job is just a temporary burden, and I need to just let it all go. If I hadn't already have resolved to give up fast food for the New Year, I'd have to make a resolution to not let my boss get to me. Maybe there's room for two resolutions in my life. Happy New Year.

Ah. It took us two hours to get our car out this morning, and that was with four of us working on the problem. We'd still be out there if it wasn't for Garry and Amanda, I'm telling you. Garry ran his Jeep up and down our driveway a few times to give us a trail, but the snow was still too deep for our little Toyota. We pretty much had to shovel out the entire driveway, garage to road. You know what? That's a long way.

After we got our car to the patch of clear space by the road (Catherine spent two hours digging out a space yesterday), we went across the street and helped the neighbors there get their car out. It went a little quicker than ours because their Nissan had a slightly higher clearance, and their driveway isn't uphill.

After that, we went to Garett and Diane's to feed their cats, and yes, to shovel their walks. I didn't do what I should have done, which was clear the sidewalk along the entire length of their property. My collar bone is killing me right now, so I'm glad I just did their stairs and a path to the road and called it a day. My sinus infection seems better, my shoulder seems a lot worse. That's about breaking even, I think. Not bad considering all the time I spent in 10 degree weather.

Because of all the snow, it took forever to run four simple errands today: 1) feed the cats; 2) go buy a couple more Christmas presents at the bookstore; 3) buy four ramekins for Christmas dinner; and 4) buy a few groceries for Christmas dinner. We tried to leave our house at 10:00, shoveled snow for two hours instead, and didn't get home until 4:30. And now we must clean.

However, I am absolved from vacuuming due to the egg-sized swell-up on my right shoulder. And I may not scrub the shower, the company won't notice.

Looking forward to opening presents tomorrow, we've got a stack of interesting things from each other, but also from friends and relatives. We've been saving them all up to make a better pile under the ficus tree (except for Catherine's parents' present, which we knew ahead of time would be perishable). We might open the ones from my parents this evening, mostly because the stack is getting embarrassingly large.

Christmas menu is set. That is to wit:

Butternut Squash and Leek Gratins
Carrot Coins w/Maple-Balsamic Browned Butter
Cold Rice Salad
Peppery Baked Onions with Sage and Gruyere
Bread (supplied by others)
Mulled Wine
Dessert (supplied by others)

If you're coming to dinner, bring your slippers because our floors are cold, cold, cold.