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Wednesday, April 30, 2003
Skipped the workout tonight so we could go over to campus to see Mo Rocca talk. I wish I had something profound to say about it, but I don't.
10:29 PM
- http://www.aip.org/history/
- http://pratt.edu/~arch543p/help/physics.html
- http://www.stanford.edu/dept/HPS/104.html
- http://icg.harvard.edu/~phys121/
- http://www.drury.edu/ess/philsci/philsciov.html
- http://web.mit.edu/afs/athena.mit.edu/user/r/e/redingtn/www/netadv/hist.html
- http://www.trentu.ca/academic/physics/history_895.html
- http://planck.phys.uwosh.edu/lattery/hppt/_htm/ref.htm
- http://www.marxists.org/reference/subject/philosophy/
- http://www.physlink.com/Education/History.cfm
- http://dmoz.org/Science/Physics/History/
2:18 PM
Tuesday, April 29, 2003
My god. All I was trying to do was a find a job. Where the hell did all this flatware come from all the sudden?
8:52 PM
Which begs the question....why am I so $*&#! tired?
2:32 PM
The unthinkable has happened.
I actually slept through the entire night, from 11:00 to 7:15, without waking up once. I'm sure if I told people this as if it was some sort of great accomplishment, they'd think I was a total nutcase, but to me, it's a pretty amazing thing.
9:41 AM
Sunday, April 27, 2003
Just so everyone is clear on the matter, I am NOT applying to graduate school.
8:57 PM
Per Susana's request, I added a couple of captions to our old wedding photos.
3:17 PM
It really is amazing that no one, not once in 78 years, got around to finishing the floor of the living room.
3:08 PM
Saturday, April 26, 2003
Today was our wedding anniversary, and like all self-respecting lesbians who want to mark a special occasion, we spent it doing home improvements. Finally, finally, FINALLY got the carpet pulled up from the living room floor. What a disgustingly dirty job--I was so dirty Catherine had to vacuum me off afterward before I could throw my clothes in the laundry.
We made the startling discovery that the finish floor was never finished--no varnish, no stain, no protective coating, nothing. We look like we're living in a pioneer house, with a floor of bare boards. It's going to look bad for awhile, because no money will be spent on carpet or finish until I have a real job.
We did an amazing amount of cleaning, which is probably an odd way to spend an anniversary, but I must say it's never felt like that big of a day to me. In fact, I totally forgot about it until we got a card from Catherine's mom last night. We put more effort into our real anniversary in October, I guess.
I don't know about this wedding thing. It was a fun day, but I have a feeling that if it would have been legally possible, we would have just gone down to the court house some afternoon we both happened to have free. Mostly, we just wanted an excuse to gather everyone together, and "Hey, we're having a party" didn't seem like a big enough draw. "Hey, we're getting married" even brought people from out of town, so that was pretty nice.
However, it wasn't the most important day of my life, or the most important day of our life together. I'm not sure what these woman are up to who spend two years planning for one single day that has only 24 hours just like the rest of them. It's here, and then it's gone. And my teammates spend tens of thousands of dollars for those few hours, and then what? I don't know, most of them don't even seem to like their husbands.
But, in honor of our wedding anniversary, I'm finally making good on a promise I made my wife six years ago: I scanned a few photos from that day.
7:04 PM
There was a point in the movie last night where Margie was asking her mother, "How could you do this to me, how could you treat me this way? I was only seven years old, you're directly responsible for the abuse that happened, how could you do this?" And Alma answers that well, Margie enjoyed it. And Margie explodes and says, "No, I did not!"
But...I'm wondering if that was Margie's real answer; I'm wondering if it was really, "Well, I shouldn't have!" There's a series of family photos in the movie, and you're looking at them and thinking, "Man, that is so fucked up," because they're visual evidence of the abuse in question. You see this point where you know something bad has just happened, something bad is happening, something bad is about to happen...and they're totally disturbing, but the really unsettling thing might be how happy this little seven-year-old Margie looks in some of the photos.
I think there's this extremely hard moment abused children have to face as adults when they're trying to work through what happened, and it revolves around the issue of complicity. Rationally, you can look back and say, "Hey, I was seven years old, I was being abused, it wasn't my fault, the older people should have known better, etc." But what really happens behind that is you wonder, "My god, did I encourage them? Did I enjoy it? Did I want it to happen?" because chances are, along with all the bad memories you have, you probably also remember that the attention you received, no matter how screwed up it was, made you feel important or special or cared for. And then you feel guilty for not being miserable like you obviously should have been if you were being abused. And then you have to call your therapist up and work through the whole damn thing again.
Well, I'd like to know how much money Margie has put into therapy to pull her life together. If you rate the level of abuse in her life on a scale of 1 to 100, I'd give it somewhere between an 80 and a 90; I'd give my own life somewhere between a 20 and a 50, and look at me: I'm 35 years old, the bad parts of my life are well behind me, but I'm still totally fucked up. What does it take to get over an 80 to 90? I'd like to know.
9:11 AM
Friday, April 25, 2003
It's been out for awhile, so maybe everyone else in the world has already seen Alma, but we just saw it for the first time this evening. Margie Thorpe (the co-producer and co-"star") is a grad student at IU, and has been working with Catherine on something or other at the Institute, so Catherine decided we should go see it tonight. It was a fund-raiser for Middle Way House, and also they were shooting some footage for the DVD release. I'm not sure what I think about the whole thing in the end. It wasn't quite as horrific as Crumb, but close. Well, maybe horrific in a different way.
I really don't know...or...if I do know, I don't want to talk about it.
9:59 PM
Желаю счастья в личной жизни.
4:44 PM
It's too bad there's no career future in playing Free Cell.
1:52 PM
Thursday, April 24, 2003
If there is a god, this would be a good time for it to show up and straighten out my life for me. Or a good time to hit me with a lightning bolt. Either one would be considered a gesture of mercy at this point.
8:40 PM
I'm just about to finish the construction documents for my third BRI project. I'm kind of conflicted about the work. On one hand, I think it's fantastic that BRI is providing affordable houses for low-income buyers. On the other hand, I worry about the effects of a sort of low-level gentrification--by purchasing houses, renovating them, and re-selling them, yes, we're giving low-income families a chance to own their own home, but we're also taking low-income rentals off the market. So, I'm torn.
That being said, I can't believe what landlords can get away with in this town. I've been adding digital photos to the work description for this third project, and I'm newly horrified that this house was considered acceptable for tenants. The really depressing thing about the photos I'm looking at right now is that they make the house look *good* compared to the reality. You can't tell from the photos that the living room floor won't hold up a grown person. You don't get a good sense of the wind blowing through the place. The east and west walls of the kitchen aren't even really attached to the rest of the house, you can see daylight--inches of daylight--in both corners. The wallboard is about 2 cm thick, and there's no insulation. The windows aren't sealed, there aren't any doors between the bedrooms, the furnace closet it so not up to code it's not funny. But hey, the landlord did provide a fire extinguisher in the kitchen.
   
   
   
   
11:14 AM
Wednesday, April 23, 2003
amysrobot
readthistome
11:58 AM
Tuesday, April 22, 2003
Something my non-athlete friends probably don't realize: if you find yourself thinking, "Hmm...I wonder if it's broken..." (as in "I wonder if my hand is broken..."), it's probably not. In my experience--and I've had a lot--I've always known right away if a bone is broken. There's no "maybe" involved.
What I found out tonight is that I can smile and say, "Yes, it feels great, sir!" while simultaneously thinking, "Hmm...I wonder if it's broken," probably because I knew the entire time that it was just some little bruise that was going to need a bit of ice, not a fracture that was going to end up in a plaster cast.
7:52 PM
1moredork online (hence the name!).
This guy must be my age, if he's making BASIC jokes:
10 PRINT "Violence "
20 PRINT "breeds more violence, which "
30 GOTO 20
40 END?
He's got archive problems, though.
4:31 PM
Monday, April 21, 2003
Today was a really bad day to be a percussionist. Or maybe it was just a really bad day to be Brian. Hard to tell.
9:36 PM
You know your life has taken a turn for the worse when you find yourself looking forward to reading Wil Wheaton's blog. Even worse is if you find yourself contemplating buying a WWDN t-shirt (probably grounds for execution in most states).
I absolutely have to find a summer job now. I told Kirk that I definitely wasn't going to teach during summer session. Probably not a good idea since I have no other employment opportunities in sight, but surely something will turn up.
6:24 PM
Sunday, April 20, 2003
With some girls, you can ask them what their plans for the evening are, and when they say, "I don't know," you can figure it's going to turn into something good. You can go from "I don't know" to "Let's just hang out and read" pretty easily. Ditto for "Oh, let's just watch a movie," or "let's go to bed early and enjoy ourselves," or (more appropriately after an active weekend) "let's go to bed early and catch up on our sleep."
With Catherine, however, "I don't know" somehow seems to lead right into "let's do yard work," and I'm pretty sure that's not the answer I was looking for when I asked the question to begin with.
7:34 PM
4:01 PM
Thursday, April 17, 2003
How else we would spend Maundy Thursday?
Catherine's bunny egg:
My favorite egg:
7:23 PM
I really want this.
4:12 PM
11:24 AM
What I'd like to do is leave town and just get away from it all, but the problem is, no matter how far or fast I drive, I take myself with me. And that's exactly the person I find to be the most annoying right now, so going away for a few days isn't going to help at all.
8:47 AM
Wednesday, April 16, 2003
Wesley Thomas personal home page
Wesley Thomas departmental home page
9:54 PM
This "working for a living" thing is really starting to cramp my style.
4:07 PM
Tuesday, April 15, 2003
Four years, seventh months later, I finally remembered to pick up a power strip so I can use the lamp on my side of the bed. It may take me awhile, but I eventually get the job done.
1:00 PM
Monday, April 14, 2003
C: You will seriously consider a move by year end.
S: Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded.
10:40 PM
Okay, but I'm still saying: THERE OUGHTA BE A LAW.
10:37 PM
I don't know if it's from drumming or hockey or what (too many pushups?), but my forearms are totally ripped. If I ever get in a fight, and my opponent tries to attack my forearms, watch out! I will out-muscle him or her from the elbow down.
5:54 PM
Since I'm kind of avoiding writing in my hockey journal--god, I am such a coward--I guess I'll just note down here that Deb and Jane are arranging "for fun only" women's pick up hockey this summer, and Deb said she wanted to invite me personally. That makes her the first person to notice that I left the team (except Jenna, and I'm not sure that counts because she was yelling at the time). I don't know, I guess this is what Heather felt like when she quit last season. Everyone suddenly forgets you're alive. Maybe they're just respecting my privacy, but I kind of think it's more like...no one even cares that I'm not there.
Well, it doesn't matter. I've already decided to skate at Mike Berger's clinic in June, because I had fun in the last two clinics I did with him, and I guess I might go to a few of these pick up sessions. We'll see how I feel in June. I don't really see the point of going to the clinic or the pick-up hockey because I'm not going back to the team in the fall, but then again, I have all that expensive equipment just gathering dust in the garage now.
Mostly I just want to get on with my life, and mostly I just don't want to even care if my teammates instantly forgot about me, and mostly I'm doing a pretty good job. Mostly.
12:46 PM
Sunday, April 13, 2003
Once again, I have proven that "butch" does not equal "mechanically inclined." The important thing is that the wheelbarrow is now together and it works. Well, the important thing is that I got to use my socket set, but the fact that the wheelbarrow works is also a good thing.
Well...really, I guess the important thing is that I didn't let myself sit around all weekend and be depressed. I have a feeling I didn't get the job. They said they wanted to decide by the end of the week. The fact that I didn't hear from them isn't all that bad, because maybe they really didn't decide, but will do so next week. However, there was an ad in the paper today for the same job, and IU has to be really desperate before it will pay for an ad in the classified section, so... I'm thinking that's a bad sign.
I sent another resume off for a drafting job advertised in today's paper, but I don't know anything about the company, so I'm not even going to think about it as a potential job.
6:12 PM
Ah. Noxema season has begun.
Yeah, well, I desperately need a tan, but I recognize a walking skin cancer factory when I see one. People are just going to have to wear shades to protect their eyes from my preternaturally pale skin. This is as burned as I'm going to get this year.
4:22 PM
Saturday, April 12, 2003
Catherine took me to the IU track meet today, which was really fun. If there is anything I miss about living in Eugene (and there isn't much), it's the track and field. I miss the caliber of competition, and I miss being in a real crowd of fans who know what they're watching and why it's important. I know not everyone in Eugene is into the whole Tracktown thing, but there are enough runners there to make for a really great track-and-field city.
4:49 PM
I felt rotten all day yesterday. Catherine has her own theory as to why, but I'm going with "too many pushups."
10:58 AM
Friday, April 11, 2003
Bobby corrected my right grip today.
8:37 PM
Ouch.
8:32 PM
There is no fucking way I'm ever going to get pregnant. For one reason or another, they had to do a C-section on Lynn this weekend, and for one reason or another, they couldn't give her any anesthesia for it.
I'd hate that baby after that.
9:11 AM
Thursday, April 10, 2003
Googlism for: --insert my name here--
--insert my name here-- is a historical consultant and architectural designer specializing in architectural history.
Not bad. Not quite right, but not bad.
2:31 PM
You know, I don't care if everything turns out all bright and shiny and happy in Iraq--the ends do not justify the means. You will never get me to support the practice of murdering people in order to establish a democracy--as if establishing a democracy is the real goal, anyway. Establishing a capitalist society ripe for exploitation is more like it. I was listening to a former ambassador to the UN talk last night about how the U.S. could reconstruct the bridges it burned w/European allies by offering them a part in the "rebuilding" of Iraq--let German companies come in and do this, French companies come in and do that. And I'm wondering--how do these people not understand that colonialism is not going to turn out any better this time than it did last time? France--look to Algeria. Tony Blair--go have a chat with Sinn Fein. I mean, what, does Edward Said have to write another book to explain this all to you before he dies? Not that Bush would understand it--or anything Foucauldian--the words are too big, after all.
Well, it's pretty obvious no one in the U.S. government has ever read a history book, anyway. I caught just the tail bit of a report given by some gov't spokesman last night, and I wish I had heard the guy's name, because he was a total idiot and I would have liked to have written him a letter and told him so. He said something like "Sadaam Hussein's name will now go down in history alongside those of other failed dictators: Ceausescu, Stalin, Hitler and Lenin." And my mouth almost fell open.
Okay, I'll give him Ceausescu w/out much argument, but neither Hitler nor Lenin were dictators. I mean, you'd have to rewrite Webster's Dictionary to turn them into dictators. And I'll go for Stalin as a dictator, but a "failed" dictator? He did a pretty good job of dictating, if you ask me. 30 years of murder and mayhem, and he gets to die of old age and bad health. And, yeah, people pretty universally criticize him, but I don't have enough fingers and toes to count the number of Russians I've heard say, "Oh, if only we could bring back Stalin, he could fix our country."
All of which is to say SOMEBODY SEND THE WHITE HOUSE A TRUCKLOAD OF HISTORY BOOKS SO THEY CAN QUIT SOUNDING LIKE IDIOTS.
And while I'm bitching, I would just like to say that I'm really tired of the letters to the editor which go something like, "I am a veteran and I fought for freedom and justice and if these people protesting the war don't like it, they can go live in Iraq!" Look, dude, you were the idiot that went out and fought to give me the freedom to assemble and voice my disagreement with the government. Don't blame me if you didn't like the way it turned out. And anyway, the last time I checked, the war that gave me these rights was the American Revolutionary War, and if you really fought in that, I'd like to talk to you because I think we can make some money off it.
1:00 PM
Although I feel compelled to point out, I have only heard good things about Jose's place in Alajuela, so maybe we should start there.
Okay, I'm actually going to do my work now.
9:53 AM
OH, but can we go back to Villa Lapas instead? I missed the skyway last time because I was sick, remember?
9:34 AM
Of course, it's not like I would turn down six days of birdwatching in Costa Rica, either. $670 seems like a pretty good deal. I'd go back to Caño Negro, no problem.
Yeah, yeah, I know. I should be preparing my lecture, not wishing I was somewhere else altogether. Blah.
9:29 AM
I don't remember if it's David Sedaris or Bob Smith that has that little bit about setting up a table on the sidewalk and having potential boyfriends fill out applications so he could screen men as he met them. Bob Smith, I think. Anyway, I was telling Catherine last night that we're going to have to do the same thing--send out applications to all our friends, and if they don't meet the minimum requirements, they get cut.
Not really. Still, I'm sometimes tempted to ask new acquaintances if they could picture themselves hiking through a rainforest, or driving cross-country just for the heck of it, or hanging out at a cabin in the Smokies, or EVER leaving their homes for any reason at all. I'm sure somewhere in my journal I've already complained about it, but I'm going to complain again: why doesn't anyone I know ever want to travel (money issues aside)? It's like "Oh, I went to Europe for a couple weeks in college, so now I'm going to just stay home."
The major point is, I want to go here for a vacation, and so does Catherine, so that's cool. It would be cooler if we had friends to go with us, though. Both my parents and Catherine's parents always traveled with friends, and so I guess we grew up thinking that's the way it's done. Only, that's not the way it's done anymore, because no one wants to take off work to do anything silly like eat weird food in the rainforest, even if it's only 50 bucks a night, breakfast and dinner included. Losers.
8:57 AM
Ohmigosh, that Drew is such a cutie.
8:43 AM
Wednesday, April 09, 2003
This session:
Won: 0
Lost: 1
Total: 46%
Won: 450
Lost: 539
Streaks:
Wins: 8
Losses: 12
Current Losses: 1
8:18 PM
My best advice:
If you're going to lose your balance and fall over, don't stick your arm out to brace yourself from the fall.
If you have to stick your arm out, make sure you're not standing next to a wall when you do it.
If you absolutely must be standing next to a wall when you stick your arm out to brace yourself from a fall, make sure there's no chalkboard hanging on the wall.
Bad things happen when you pin your arm between a chalk tray and the weight of your body as you're falling to the floor.
Trust me.
8:53 AM
Tuesday, April 08, 2003
Guardedly optimistic.
1:30 PM
Anxiety with a capital A-N-X-I-E-T-Y.
Deep breath.
8:27 AM
Monday, April 07, 2003
Ice.
The athlete's best friend.
5:53 PM
Sunday, April 06, 2003
Last week I was going to write a note to myself about how much we liked watching this one particular squirrel. He was a damaged squirrel, with only one hand, but otherwise completely healthy. Chubby, and he had no problem devouring all the corn we put out for him with only one hand. We were completely attached to the little guy.
But yesterday, someone ran over him with a car, undoubtedly driving too fast. The speed limit in front of our house is so low that there's no excuse for hitting anything if you're observing it. So today's note to myself, instead of talking about how much we loved that squirrel, is about how much it sucked having to pick him up from in front of our mailbox and bury him.
12:49 PM
Friday, April 04, 2003
This is the fourth time in my life I've locked my keys in the car, and I've only been driving for 17 years. I was pissed off at myself the first time I did it, and now that I'm up to four, well, now I'm *totally* pissed off at myself. How hard can it be to make sure the keys are in your pocket before you slam the door shut?
Idiot.
12:26 PM
Hm...."Every modern war has had its root in exploitation".
9:08 AM
Thursday, April 03, 2003
The wife and I had a very serious discussion today as to whether I should go to my job interview as a boy, or go as a girl.
If you think about it, that's a little weird.
However, we both thought going as a boy would be the best option.
8:12 PM
Andrew Motion's speech by death.
3:51 PM
Interview with Howard Zinn.
3:11 PM
It wasn't so much the name of the course ("Ways to Sabotage Your Career and Life, and How to Avoid Them") that made me laugh; it was more that "Basic Math Skills for Adults" was considered a related course.
1:06 PM
Stiff shoulders. Hockey rots when it comes to maintaining upper body strength.
8:33 AM
Wednesday, April 02, 2003
My god, Alex has the cutest dog.
http://www.darke.net/journalpix/ciara11.jpg
http://www.darke.net/journalpix/ciara20.jpg
http://www.darke.net/journalpix/ciara22.jpg
http://www.darke.net/journalpix/ciara16.jpg
8:42 PM
You really, really don't be needing to get your hopes up.
I've got an interview scheduled, but I got the last slot. The woman told me they wanted to do all the interviews on the same day, and I was the last person they had to schedule in for a meeting. So, I've apparently got a lot of competition, and I'm not really certain what I should be putting in my portfolio. I also have no idea what kind of questions they're going to ask, so I may just be winging it.
What this really means is that I definitely have to buy new clothes. I can't possibly walk into an interview with pants that aren't just one or two sizes too big, but four or five.
Anyway, getting an interview at least is a good thing.
Also, I started my new "sport" today, and it seemed to go okay. I'm going to stick with it through the summer (giving up on the idea of taking a rowing class, I think) and see how it goes. If it helps me get in better shape and takes my mind off hockey, that will be good enough for me.
7:12 PM
Also, I feel a little better after stressing out about Jack. I noticed a lump on his shoulder when I was playing with him a couple days ago, and immediately went into panic mode, thinking that it was a sarcoma from a vaccination. Luckily, the vet biopsied it last night, and it's benign.
I swear to god, if something happened to Jack, I'd... Well, I don't know what I'd do, but it wouldn't be good.
10:09 AM
Okay, try not to get your hopes up.
The architect's office called me this morning to ask me a couple of preliminary questions. Well, actually, only one question: they were wondering what sort of salary I would expect if they considered me for the position. He was concerned that the salary they would offer would be too low (given my education? my work history? I don't know), so they didn't want to call me in for an interview if the salary would be an immediate problem. I really had to laugh. I explained that I realized I would be looking at an entry level salary and I couldn't compare it to what I was making before I left IU in the fall, and in any case, I'd been teaching for the past two semesters, and that's pretty much the same as having no income at all, so how could I complain? Maybe I should have said, "Hey, I'm worth a lot more money," I don't know. Anyway, when he mentioned the actual figure, I *really* had to laugh, because it was as much as I was making at the Main Library, for an entry level position.
Well, I told him the salary sounded fine, he said, good, you might want to put together a portfolio in case we call you back for an interview, and that was that. I hope they call me back.
10:02 AM
Tuesday, April 01, 2003
Coward.
1:34 PM
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