Saturday, October 27, 2001
Really struggling with depression lately, but it seems to have clear a bit today. This journal is supposed to help all of that, somehow I doubt I'll even keep writing here after a week or two. Went on a small cleaning jag yesterday and tidied the house a little. Catherine really kicked in and cleaned a lot today, and it helps. I was feeling completely oppresed by the clutter and darkness.

Spent yesterday morning working on drawings. I don't know how I managed to not save my masonry drawing, but I had it all done and then it was just gone. That was so unlike me. I am a little worried that I haven't been keeping up with the work in the class. Math is going okay, but getting harder. I think I can still get an A, though.

Heard from Mary Jester this week, such a surprise. Mary Towslee, now. I would love to see her in person.
5:53 PM

Wednesday, October 24, 2001
Supposed to get a lot of bad weather this afternoon. Went to the doctor yesterday about my wrist, she says it may be broken. Feels very tight and rotational movement hurts it. It seems like it has been this way for weeks, I can't remember exactly when I might have broken it.
9:09 AM

Monday, October 22, 2001
The hockey part of the weekend was awful. Both our teams got blown away, and I had a particularly frustrating weekend of sitting on the bench. So, I don't even want to think about that. We did some fun stuff outside the rink (although it probably wasn't so fun for Catherine since I was pissed off 1/2 the time).

The drive to Cincinnati was pretty straightforward. We headed out late in the afternoon, listened to Harry Potter on the way there. The hotel was really nice (except we got stuck in a smoking room even though I asked for non-smoking). Very smooth room designed for business travelers. Out in the middle of nowhere in a business park area. Had dinner at the only place we could find, a Bennigan's. Went to the rink, did all the hockey stuff.

Up really early for more hockey, then Catherine and I went into town to the Cincinnati Art Museum. They had a nice exhibit of photographs up, borrowed from the Henry Art Gallery. Had lunch at the museum, took a nap in the car while Catherine was looking at the poster exhibit. More hockey which pretty much ruined my evening. Spent most of the post-game hours either crying or trying not to cry. Went to Applebee's for dinner, which was surprisingly good.

Avoided the team the next morning and got out on the road without having to talk to anyone. We had a really nice drive home. Left the freeway and drove up to Brookville (Brooksville?), a very cute little town with a nice Catholic Church. Spent some time in Metamora, took a canal boat ride, sprained my ankle (the irony). Had a decent tuna sandwich. Drove back on a small highway, through Oldenburg (?), a village of spires. Very nice with the fall air and turned leaves. Avoided I-74 almost the entire way. Got a little turned around in Columbus, but found our way back to 46 with no problems.

Spent the evening on the couch with ice on my ankle. Already today I've broken my resolve to go to the gym every day, but my ankle was legitimately injured, so I'm trying to cut myself some slack.

I wish I could lose weight.
9:41 AM

Thursday, October 18, 2001
I continue to wake up completely exhausted, already worrying about what might be on the news. Catherine has been really good about keeping the TV off in the mornings. Lately I've been breaking the "no TV in the evenings" rule, I need to be better about that. I dreamt last night that Paul McCartney died, and I was really sad. It was the first thing I asked about when I woke up. I think I dreamt about Paul McCartney because I was thinking about those Afghan men who were killed by U.S. bombing, the ones who were involved in cleaning Afghanistan of landmines. My dreaming mind must have made the connection to Paul's new wife. I guess.

I'm not making myself feel any better by staying up too late at night, but I feel like I need to watch the Daily Show to get my laughs these days. America Freaks Out! pretty much describes it. He's such a cute guy, I would like to pat his head.

We watched a show no the WTC last night on the History Channel when I got home from school. It was filmed in January, and was kind of creepy.

Hockey this weekend, it will feel good to be doing something besides work and school. Had a test last night, I think I did okay, although I was worrying about it a lot before hand. I didn't study very hard for it, and it turns out he handed out a review sheet last week when I was gone because of my sinus infection, so I didn't really focus on the right things. But I think it went okay. Now we're doing trigometric functions, and that's okay, just kind of tedious.

I'm trying not to think of the long-term impact of all this. I can't see the end of it--will this go on forever? Will we grab bin Laden, put him on trial, and execute him like Timothy McVeigh? If we shoot him dead, will this lead to more terrorism? If we don't shoot him dead, will it lead to more terrorism? Will countries dependent on US tourist dollars make it through this? Will we bomb everyone we don't like? Will the Northern Alliance fill the power vacuum left by the destruction of the Taliban? Will they abuse people, too? Will India and Pakistan nuke each other into oblivion? Are we contributing to the environmental disaster that is known as Afghanistan? Will China run amok, now that it is our ally and we've given it the Olympics? Will we have the Olympics? Will Sharon back off a little and give Palestine what it wants?

No wonder I'm tired.
8:52 AM

Wednesday, October 17, 2001
46 degrees, clear and cold. Dew point 31 degrees. Barometer 30.34s. Supposed to be sunny and warmer.

I think I'm going to have to take physics 101 and comm 101 next semester. How much does that suck? Catherine is closer to finishing her degree than I am at this point. Not taking classes in the summer really screws things up.
11:18 AM

Tuesday, October 16, 2001
I can't believe the lousy choices I have for classes next semester. How is a working person supposed to earn a degree when all the night classes are first year courses? Augh, I'm disgusted.
4:41 PM


Rainy, foggy, cold weather. "The sky is low, the clouds are mean" type of thing. Got my new suite101.com topic up and running, glad to be out of Korean culture. I was just lacking enthusiasm near the end there. Hopefully this architecture thing will give me a chance to explore some of the new stuff out there, get reacquainted with the old stuff.
10:13 AM

Monday, October 15, 2001
Very cool that my brother went to visit my parents. I was pretty psyched about that. Mom says he drove up for just two days, helped my dad cut down the trees on the river bank. And she said he was actually singing! Imagine that.

I'm 100% sick of my philosophy lesson. I feel like I'm never going to finish it. I start on it, write a few sentences, drift off. I need to get it done so I can take the midterm.

Figured out why I couldn't do the endpoint snap on my BCFramer tutorial on Friday. Got lots of stuff to do for that class.
9:07 PM


We spent the weekend in Columbus, playing hockey. I've been pretty cranky lately, not liking my job, not being able to find a new one. Zero motivation in school, all the usual signs. Had a decent game, although it's hard to put the mistakes behind me. Two stand out in my mind (out of the dozens, I'm sure), and I'm trying to just forget about them. Can I keep attributing my stress and depression to September 11?
12:11 PM